User blog:Kazanshin/Sun Tzu vs Hongi Hika (Maori)
Sun Tzu, the biggest loser on Deadliest Fiction, a philosopher forced into battles against history's greatest generals just because he wrote a book about how to fight! Hongi Hika, leader of the Maori Warriors, the other biggest losers of Deadliest Fiction who only use stone, wood and teeth melee weapons without any armor or long range weapons! Who! Is! Deadliest! '' '' Sun Tzu= Sun Tzu or Sunzi, was an ancient Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher who is traditionally believed to be the author of The Art Of War, an influential and ancient Chinese book on military strategy. The book has been used by military leaders throughout history such as Napoleon Bonaparte and Kublai Khan. He has so far been forced to fight against people obviously waaaaaaaay out of the league of a philosopher, such as Miyamoto Musashi (in a duel!) and Suleiman the Magnificent (from the gunpowder era!). Like, think people! We have a book writer here! Not a fighter! Why do you pit Thinker Bell against history's greatest swordsman IN A DUEL!? |-|Jian= The jian is a Chinese straight sword dating back to about the 7th century BC. The jian has a straight roughly 70 cm blade with a short, wing-shaped guard. These blades were designed to be used as a "general purpose" weapon, capable of both cutting and thrusting. Some jian also had a tassel on the hilt to serve as a lanyard or for distracting the enemy with its rapid movements. In Chinese folklore, the Jian is often called the "Gentleman of All Weapons", since it would have been mostly used by commanders and required a good deal of expertise to be used effectively. It was able to both slash and thrust, making it a versatile weapon. According to legend, it was so sharp it could slice through water without getting wet. The jian and the dao are the two most famous swords of ancient China. |-|Zhua= The Zhua (literally "Claw") is an Ancient Chinese staff weapon. The Zhua would have been primarily used for ripping and tearing at the enemy, though the sheer weight of the weapon could have also made it a useful bludgeoning tool. Sun Tzu experts also claimed that the Zhua was also effective at grabbing shields off of enemies, and grabbing riders off horses. |-|Repeating Crossbow= The Chu Ko Nu is a crossbow in which the separate actions of stringing the bow, loading a bolt, and firing can be accomplished with a simple hand motion. The Chu Ko Nu, or repeating crossbow is simply a crossbow with a wooden magazine and a lever mounted on top of it. As the lever as pulled back, the bowstring is drawn back, a bolt is loaded into the table, and the weapon is fired. The lever is then pushed forward to catch the bowstring and repeat the process. Because of the lever being mounted on top of the weapon, the repeating crossbow was braced against the user's hip. |-|Bishou= The bishou, quite literally meaning dagger in Chinese, is an ancient bronze dagger used throughout Chinese history. It has a total length of 27cm. Nothing more to really say, it's just a dagger. |-|Leather Lamellar= Probably the weakest form of lamellar armor, this is actually the forerunner of many good armors, such as the Tousei Gusoku and Ming Bringandine. We gotta give credit where it's due. It can keep arrows and attacks away, and boiled leather is actually tougher than what many may expect, having shown its durability when it was tested against the steel crossbow, but the biggest advantage this piece of animal skin has is its cheapness and light weight. Hongi Hika= Hongi Hika was a Maori chief during the early 19th century, and was one of the first Maori chiefs to use European weapons such as muskets in battle. Hika also supported European settlement in New Zealand and regularly traded with the settlers for weapons, and other items, including Western agricultural implements and techniques, as well as new crop such potatoes, which he introduced to the Maori. Hika also supported the transliteration of the Maori language into writing, and even visited England and met King George IV. His poor Maori Warriors have been used as sandbags to rack up kills for DF members' favorite ancient warriors, ranging from Hawaiian Koa, Chilean Mapuche, American Comanche, and even the usually peaceful Canadian Inuit! The reason? These guys have literally no armor and only fight in melee. |-|Toki Kaka Poto= You thought Maori didn't have any decent weapons, did you? As it turns out, they have a weapon that can pack quite the punch: the jade Toki axe. A symbol of chieftainship in Maori culture, this 43cm long jade axe is sure to replace the piece of shit that is the Shark Tooth Club in this wiki! The axe can both cut or be thrown as a projectile. |-|Taiaha= The Taiaha is a traditional weapon of the Māori of New Zealand, sharp on one end, with a slicing club on the other. An image of the weapon is incorporated into the official badge of the New Zealand Army.Mau rakau is the martial art that teaches the use of the taiaha and other Māori weapons in combat. As with other martial arts styles, students of the taiaha spends years mastering the skills of timing, balance and co-ordination necessary to wield the weapon effectively. |-|Trade Musket= The Flintlock Musket was a muzzle-loaded, smoothbore gun fired from the shoulder; a bone shattering blaster that punched huge caliber holes into its victims.The musket was typically a long-barreled gun, operated by means of a flintlock mechanism. The lock contained a hammer with a piece of flint, which stuck a steel plate, creating the spark which ignited the powder and fired the musket. The muzzle-velocity is at about 550mph or 800fps. The effective range of a musket (against a single human target) is between 50 meters to over 100 meters. The musketball commonly bounced inside the barrel, so beyond the effective range; the path of the musketball would curve to a random direction. The reason why musketeers would fire in volleys would be to compensate for the randomness. However if aiming at a large target, like an enemy army, the musket's effective range could be as far as 200 meters (especially for muskets designed for long range; like the Brown Bess Musket.) |-|Mere club= The Mere (pronounced mehreh) was a traditional hand weapon of New Zealand, found only on the South Island. In combat, the mere was more commonly used for thrusting and stabbing, although it was highly effective for delivering axe-like blows, being more than able to pulverize a cow's skull in one blow. The mere was a symbol of chieftainship and was passed down as a valuable heirloom. Traditionally, individual mere were named, and were said to possess a mana of their own. |-|SUPER MACHO BODY!= Maori warriors don't need armor! Their skin is so strong, it can deflect gunshots! Their muscles are so hard, they can shatter diamond! They can flex so hard, it kills everything in a 20km radius! Just kidding, Maori don't wear armor. I just thought this would be funny. X-factors Setting The battle will take place in an open plain in America, so neither will have the homefield advantage, and it will be a 5 on 5 squad battle. Battle This universe has seen much. The musketeers and the conquistador run up to each-other and trade blows with their blades. More than most worlds can claim. Oda Nobunaga shatters Hernan Cortes’ jaw with a Maori mere. However, two warriors… A Maori warrior is beaten to death by an Inuit warrior. Seem to have no fate of greatness. Sun Tzu is smashed to death by Miyamoto Musashi and his oar. This ends now. Today, Kazanshin brings these two men together. Only one will survive. However, the other will finally join the hall of fame. Only one will escape his title as the ultimate underdog. Now… Sun Tzu, the legendary military philosopher who revolutionized warfare! Hongi Hika, leader of the deadly cannibal Maori warriors, who delivered death with jadestone! WHO! IS! DEADLIEST!? To find out, our wikians have analyzed the arsenal of death the two fighters bring to the table! The legend will be shattered! Myths will be destroyed! Blood will be spilled! But only one will be crowned…. DEADLIEST WARRIOR! An immense colosseum, filled with rocks and trees, has its seats filled with the anxious crowd. At the top, in the seat of the Caesar, sits Wassboss, ruler and overseer of this realm. As he lifts his arm, Kazanshin snaps his finger. The screen suddenly goes from a colosseum to an open grassy plain. A group of maori warriors, lead by their chief, Hongi Hika, walk across the grassland. Just moments ago, they were mourning the death of one of their tribesmen who they had found dead with his face smashed in. Now, before they could realized what happened, they found themselves here. Hongi encourages his scared warriors to keep moving forward and try to find something which would give the, a clue of where they are. Nearby, a group of equally surprised Chinese soldiers walk across the plains, led by military philosopher Sun Tzu. Just when they had thought this same Sun Tzu had been killed by a bizarre man in bronze armor, they found themselves here, with master Sun alive and well. Sun Tzu looks around and urges his men to advance and look for any signs of civilization. One of the Chinese soldiers squints his eyes, seeing something in the horizon. He starts carefully walking towards his discovery, until he realizes what he was seeing was another group of men. Large, buff men, carrying fearsome weapons he had never seen before. He accidentally lets out a yell of surprise, which alerts both his friends and the Maoris. One of the cannibal points his musket at the stranger and fires. Because of the musket’s terrible accuracy, the shot misses, but the Chinese are all startled and start running in all direction, with only Sun Tzu himself hilariously running back and forth, yelling at his men to keep their calm. Another Maori fires, missing yet again, as the cannibals without the luxury of having a firearm charge at the scattered Chinese. Sun Tzu recalls his men and runs away. The Chinese then group up and Sun Tzu starts explaining his plan to his men. As the Maori start closing in, one of the Chinese points at them and screams, then turns around and starts running away. The other Chinese soldiers also start running away while screaming, leaving poor Sun Tzu alone, yelling at them to come back, in front of the cannibals. The philosopher faces the oncoming squad of muscular men for a brief moment, before turning around and running away. The Maori give chase to the old man, who runs as fast as his legs can carry him. One of the polynesians points his musket at the running philosopher and fires. Sun Tzu collapses on the ground, grunting and yelling. The cannibals, led by Hongi, close in on the elder sage, who yells and screams as if his life depends on it. Keyword “as if”. “射击! (Fire!)” As Sun Tzu yells this word, the four other Chinese soldiers, who had positioned themselves in a circle and on their stomachs so that the Maoris, too concentrated on Sun Tzu, wouldn’t notice them. The soldiers start firing their repeating crossbows at the Maoris, killing two of them in the volley and injuring one in the leg while master Sun escapes in the confusion. Hongi Hika: 3 Hongi picks up the musket of one of his dead men and furiously fires it at a Chinese. This time, the shot reaches its target. The soldier drops dead, with a hole in his forehead. Sun Tzu: 4 The fallen man’s allies look in awe at their dead comrade. What happened? Why did the man die? What killed him? As the Chinese are stunned, the Maori briefly dance the haka, which the Asians are equally surprised and horrified to see, and charge at the frightened men. One of the maoris quickly stabs a frozen Chinese through the chest with his taiaha, which he then swings at another soldier, who narrowly ducks and takes out his bishou dagger. He slashes at the Maori’s thigh before the cannibal can turn around. The polynesian grunts and bashes the Asian in the face with the bludgeoning end of the taiaha, then stabs the downed Chinese in the face. Sun Tzu: 2 Hongi Hika charges at Sun Tzu himself, who draws his jian and blocks a taiaha swing of the chieftain, who then attempts to trip the philosopher with the other end of the spear. The Chinese responds by jumping over the swing and stabbing a bishou in the chief’s shoulder, making him yell in pain. The old man calls his remaining man and starts running away once again. Hongi attempts to give chase, but turns around to see his injured man on the ground, holding his chest in agony, with the crossbow bolt’s poison taking effect. Hongi and the other warrior run to his sides, and promise him to kill the man who did this to him. The fainting warrior gives one last smile, before losing consciousness and closing his eyes forever. Hongi Hika: 2 The Polynesians start running in the direction the Chinese went, and spot the two men crouched, seemingly talking about their next plans. The two New Zealand natives charge and smash the Asians in their nape.... only to realize they were dummies. The warrior following Hongi Hika is then smashed in the head from behind with a zhua by Sun’s soldier as the philosopher laughs and fires his crossbow. However, Hongi quickly smashes his foe’s face with a mere and uses the dead body as a meat shield to deflect the volley of bolts. Sun Tzu: 1 Hongi Hika: 1 As Sun starts reloading his weapon, the chieftain throws his club at it, breaking the wooden crossbow in half. The cannibal then closes in, Toki Kaka Poto in hand, and swings it down. Sun Tzu draws his jian and blocks the swing, then counterattacks with a thrust, which the Polynesian dodges by sidestepping. Sun swings his blade a few more times, with Hongi dodges by backstepping, until he locks the sword between the blade and the shaft of his axe and parries it. Sun Tzu is thrown off balance, but recovers fast enough to block a strike from the Toki. Sun slashes at Hongi’s leg, making him yell and kneel in pain. As the Maori half-collapses, the philosopher tries his chance by attempting to stab through his enemy’s throat, but yet again his plan is foiled by the chieftain deflecting the blow with his axe. Sun Tzu, seeing that this isn’t getting him anywhere, turns his back and starts retreating to establish a new plan. Hongi Hika gets back up and throws his axe, but with Sun Tzu already at a distance, misses. Sun Tzu, after running out of the cannibal’s sight, catches his breath and starts thinking of a new plan. That’s when the polynesian catches up, faster than the Chinese expected. Hongi, now having retrieved a taiaha, swings the sharp end of the club at the military tactician, who backsteps just in time to avoid getting sliced. The polynesian then thrusts three times at the philosopher, who manages to avoid all attacks, until Hongi feints a thrust and bashes Sun in the jaw with the blunt end of the taiaha. Sun Tzu, knocked on his back, has no time to react as Hongi Hika moves in and gives him an “honorable death” by smashing his skull with his mere. Sun Tzu, with his head smashed into much, collapses once again, as Hongi stands up and gives out a war cry. Meanwhile, a shadow stalks the two in the darkness, with a tiny bladed projectile in his hand. Winner: Hongi Hika Expert’s opinion In this very close battle between two losers of the wiki, it’s the Maori tribe and Hongi Hika who finally earn a victory, mostly thanks to the psychological factor that the musket gave them and the fact that, even with all the fancy weapons he had, Sun Tzu was not a battlefield fighter, but instead a military philosopher. Category:Blog posts